Monday, 5 July 2010

Bharat Bandh – Politicians strike again.


The call went out, secretly, and managed to achieve the impossible – It got the leaders of all opposition parties together, in one room, to discuss a development that had affected everyone’s life.
(Rumour has it that even the leader of the ruling party wanted to join in but couldn’t because the ruling party couldn’t arrive at a consensus on who their leader was – The queen, the prince-in-waiting or a retired bureaucrat.)

Here are accurate excerpts based on more rumours:

Opportunistic, sorry, Opposition Party Leader 1: Yesterday my son-in-law came asking for an increase in his pocket money!

OPL 2: So did mine! All six of them!

OPL 1: Because, he said, with the fuel price hike he is really finding it tough to use the Audi Q7 I gave him as a wedding present.

OPL 2: So did mine! All six of them!

OPL3: It is a shame!  As leaders of the masses we have to be in touch with the last poor tribal in the most inaccessible area of the country and we need those SUVs to get there.

OPL 4: And because all the tribal areas are Naxalite areas, we need at least ten truckloads of commandos, four motorcycles, one ambulance and two fire engines (because I am a VVIP and am called upon to fight fires all the time), to protect us. And what do trucks, motorcycles, ambulances and fire engines run on?

OPL 2: So did mine! All six of them!

OPL 5: This, very clearly, is a plot by the ruling party. They know we are engaged in the progressive work of uplifting the masses from darkness to light. And if we have to be the shining sun that wakes them up from their centuries-old slumber of ignorance we have to have well-lit homes! And what do generators run on?

OPL 6: I second that sentiment on generators! The ruling party wants to sabotage our air-conditioning and lose our cool! But we will show them that we can turn on the heat too!

OPL 7: It is election year in my state. I have to hold rallies! And what do rallies run on? Trucks! What do loudspeakers run on? Generators! And how do I get to rallies? Helicopters! The ruling party has struck on the very fuel that wins us elections!!!

OPL 2: So did mine! All six of them!

OPL: 8: As you are all aware my party is the closest to the grass-roots, to the most oppressed, the poorest and the under-most of all underprivileged. And now I speak not in my voice, but with the collective voice of all those people. With the benefits of progress, technology, economic upturn and social networking denied to my constituents, with corruption siphoning off all benefits directed at them and with food inflation putting even the basic dry roti out of reach for them, how, I ask, how are they supposed to afford petrol to douse themselves and set themselves on fire to protest their plight?


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