Tuesday, 27 April 2010

Social Networking - The Hell Version


My first Social Networking Will was cocky. It assumed I would go to heaven and hence the updates were, to use a bad pun (is there something like a good pun?), heavenly.

(That’s the trap of trying to write funny stuff all the time: Sooner or later you start using puns, mixing metaphors, insulting people, recycling others’ jokes as yours and this one’s the worst in my book: The desperate writing of ‘Ha ha ha’ after cracking a really bad one and hoping that somehow the ‘Ha ha ha’ will make the reader laugh. The reader does laugh: Not at the joke, but at the joker.)

The first Will received such an outstanding response that for a moment I thought I had become popular overnight and should quickly join a reality show. Then, I read the responses. The words differed, but the message was clear:

“Shouldn’t you be writing from hell and not heaven?” That brought me back to earth. From heaven.

So here they are, sample updates/tweets from my Social Networking Will:

1 There is no wall between Hell and Heaven. You can see everything in Heaven clearly. That’s Hell.
2 Hell has exactly the same things as heaven. Except they are made in China.
3 All the hot page 3 women are here :=)))
4 There is no Botox in Hell :(((
5 Hell is X-rated. All your ex’s are here.
6 Deven joined the Group, ‘Happy in Hell: I lived in Mumbai all my life’.
7 All women have a headache in Hell. 24/7.
8 Deven received an invitation to join ‘Governmentville – Adopt a politician and ruin a country of your choice’.
9 Deven left the Group, 'A Dead Politician is a Good Politician'.
10 Deven is attending the Event, ‘If 100,000 dead bodies vote against Telemarketers, Hell will remove them to a separate enclosure’.
11 ‘Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned’ is true.

That’s it for now. But know what? I have a feeling that you’d be allowed only one update/tweet from Hell:
There is no internet access here. 

Now that’s hell.

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