I normally pick up bits and pieces of news articles, twist them out of shape to resemble funny animals and present them as blog posts. I found one such article recently but when I sat down to mangle it out of shape by hammering the keyboard, I realized there was no need. The news, as is, was good, or rather, bad enough. So here it is, word for word:
Simply turning on a light at night for a few seconds to go to the toilet can cause changes that might lead to cancer, scientists claim.
Researchers in the UK and Israel found that when a light is turned on at night, it triggers an "over-expression" of cells linked to the formation of cancer.
The tests were carried out on mice at Leicester University by geneticist Professor Charalambos Kyriacou. During the trial, a group of mice were exposed to a light for one hour. When compared with mice, who had been kept in the dark, changes were found in cells in the brain responsible for the circadian clock which controls body function.
"We believe that any turning on of artificial light in the night has an impact on the body clock. It's a very sensitive mechanism. If you want to get up to go to the toilet, you should avoid reaching for the light switch. There are some plug-in lights that just glow, that are safe and you could use them as an alternative," Rachel Ben-Shlomo, of the University of Haifa, was quoted as saying.
I mean what can I add that can be funnier? Oh, I did think of stuff like:
"Honey, I think I peed in the basin..."
I try to find the bathroom door. Crash! All lights in the building come on. All residents get cancer.
"I can't seem to find the protection. Can I turn on the light?"
"NO! I don't want to get cancer!! I'd rather die of AIDS!!!"
"Dad, how was I born?"
"Because your mother was afraid of getting cancer."
I also wanted to crack some funny ones about that line in the news report, There are some plug-in lights that just glow, but this is not that kind of blog. Go away you pervert!
But I have to admit that nothing's as funny as the original. And that includes the researcher's name: Geneticist Professor Charalambos Kyriacou.